[Hiccup]

F*ck this Sh*t

i couldn't care less

entry #01

Written in haste in the margin of a sketchbook

Sometimes the scariest things we have to face are the things that live inside of our heads, those little tired feelings that creep up on you in the night, the little fears, the huge doubts, the urge to fly away and leave it all behind. But then you've always been a coward, haven't you? You've always been the one to run from your problems rather than facing them, because it's easier right? It's easier to pretend like nothing is wrong than it is to cry for help, but what would crying do anyway? Crying wont bring my father back, it wont restore my village's faith in me, and running wont keep him off of me, because he'll just follow, right?

And even now, after leaving that Odin forsaken island, I can't get this sick feeling of violation out of my head and the pit of my stomach, it is infuriating, this feeling that keeps me looking over my shoulder, jumping when people I've known all my life touch me...They're losing faith in me, I'm losing faith in me, my mind feels so addled and scattered, and I'm starting to understand what it feels like to completely lose touch with the world around me. I loathe thinking about the first night, because it's just been an uphill struggle since then, I can't leave Berk without fear of being followed, I can't even leave my home without fearing that I'll see him. I should have killed him when I had the opening.

And the worst part of it is knowing that everyone can see me breaking, without knowing why, because telling them would be useless, because no one can fix this but me, and I don't have the answers this time.

It's like being lost at sea with a hurricane throwing me in hundreds of different directions, my ship has no sail and no oars, and I'm at the mercy of the ocean around me as I struggle to stay afloat...And I don't know how much longer I can do that, before I'm dragged down and drowned in the expectations and wants of the people around me. I think I need a drink...Or maybe five.

ulla

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[Hiccup]

A ghost of some sort...

Nothing has ever been normal in my life, but things have been a little weirder than usual, I'm either being haunted, or this is a huge practical joke that the entire village is in on...Snotlout thinks I'm being haunted, and for a while, I was kind of starting to believe that.

It started with the rose, probably the nicest one I've seen, you see roses a lot but this one was particularly perfect...It wouldn't have been weird had I not found it on my windowsill, tied with a silver ribbon, already in a vase. I asked Astrid about it but she assured me she'd never have thought of something as cheesy as that, which is fairly accurate, not to say we never do anything for each other...But certainly never anything as hammy as that.

I wrote it off as perhaps a lapse in memory at first, maybe I picked it and couldn't remember doing so? It wouldn't have been the first time...Things tend to happen when you're running on little to no sleep, as I am fairly often. But then I returned a couple of days later to find a fairly decoratively wrapped parcel with a pastry inside...It's definitely not a secret that I have a sweet tooth, but usually people aren't so covert about sending me things like this, I was hesitant to eat it at first...But that didn't last too long, my sweet tooth will be the death of me one day.

I thought after the pastry this would stop, but lo and behold only a few days later I found a stone, it was sitting on my windowsill, the same way the previous...I guess they were gifts? I might have missed it had it not been sparkling in the sun the way it was, no drawing could really do it justice...It was quite a lovely stone though, I thought about keeping it on my shelf, but I decided to drill a hole in it and fasten it to a necklace instead, against my better judgement given what I know now.

The next gift was another flower, but that's not what I'm going to talk about, I'm going to talk about the scales I found around my hut, Fishlegs says they look distinctly like Skrill scales, that was really all the clue I needed to figure out who was doing this. I suppose these...Gift...Are harmless enough, but I made it fairly clear that I wasn't interested in him like that, perhaps this is just his way of being friendly, but regardless I'm going to get to the bottom of it. I've packed enough provisions for a short trip over there, and Astrid is going to watch the village for me while I'm gone. Lets see how he'll explain this.

(c) JUNIER OF GS + ADOX

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